Valentine’s weekend is coming to a close. I have to confess I enjoyed myself for none of the reasons you would think. It turns out jumping on a trampoline isn’t good for nerves trapped in scar tissue. That is if you haven’t bound “the goods” sufficiently. I didn’t and the pain was so intense, I thought my cancer had returned. This Easter will bring my fifth year benchmark and admittedly, I’m haunted by the thought that I will become sick again. During the second week of my new pain, my yearly appointment with my plastic surgeon came up at Sloan Kettering. While in the area, I stopped in with my breast surgeon who checked things out and explained how it was scar tissue and severed nerves causing my pain. “Calm down, you’re as clean as a whistle. I like problems like yours.” My surgeon said this while smiling broadly. It was a huge relief and a bit embarrassing all at the same moment. Still, I was told the trampoline wasn’t a bad thing to do in the afternoon. I just needed to keep my breasts and the tissue within from moving so much.
Fear had swirled around in the back of my head for two weeks but it also organized what is important to me right now. Seeing friends, my photography, saving for a new home and purchasing the right athletic attire. The work life balance thing I’ve mentioned before is still very much out of sync. I decided Valentine’s Day weekend was going to be devoted to the desires that demanded my focus when fear ruled the back of my head . Stop dreaming and start doing was my mantra. I had dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen for a while. I also spent a bit of time at the Apple store with a genius who answered burning questions about Yosemite and other bits of technology that my creativity is dependent on. I came up with new photography projects and dropped off the last of my film rolls from the Scotland trip. It really was, the perfect weekend.
The temperature is now 7 degrees outside and threatens to dip even lower later in the night. My radiators are clanking a tune that goes back to my childhood. It’s a bit of a lullaby. I’m hoping all of you are warm and had a wonderful weekend too.