I don’t think she left completely. It’s as though there is an echo of her being that reminds me life is to be embraced and celebrated. She didn’t hold onto it with tight fisted hands but rather glided with a grace and elegance.
Kelly has been gone a year as of yesterday.
You can read about it here.
She doesn’t rest in one final spot. Her ashes are being scattered all over the world. She wanted to be everywhere and nowhere in particular. Her mother is the one who is dispersing them as she visits Kelly’s favorite places. We meet for dinner when she is in town and I always ask for the update as to where bits of Kelly reside now. Kelly’s mother, Sue , and I are building a friendship with a bedrock made from mourning. One day over the summer, between dinner and desert, she presented me with a green velvet bag.
“A little bit of Kelly for you to keep.”
I was honored beyond measure. I have never known a mother so generous in spirit to share her daughter with so many. I am not the only one to have gotten “a little bit.”
I decided that there should be markers in the areas where Kelly is placed. Something tangible to honor her with. I copied her signature from her yoga mat and painted it on rocks gathered at the beach. Very large pebbles really as they are tiny. A simple K.C. on one side and a heart on the other. The color is green because of her name she was born on St Patrick’s day. I know she would have approved. I marked a spot on the High Line where I know Sue had placed her, kept one for myself to use for later and sent the rest to Sue.
As for her ashes in my home, I kept them in the velvet bag on a dish by the door. I talk to her now and then. She is not on my shelf permanently as that was not in her nature. I intend on taking her someplace beautiful and letting her go free. That’s what her spirit would want. In the meantime, I am listening to the echo of conversations past. Life is sweet and short as she would often point out to me. I must remember to let go of worries and stop working so hard at my day job.
That my friends is easier said than done.
Finding the little bit of wonderful that every day offers.